Getting “stuck” and frustrated
For some kids with ADHD, doing their homework can be a nightmare. For a neurotypical kid, a simple task may take 10 minutes, but for these StarKids, it may take 20, 40 minutes, or even an hour.
It is not uncommon for these kids to lose themselves in their realms of imagination, fighting a dragon, being a princess, a basketball player scoring a 3-pointer at the buzzer, etc. They have a hard time concentrating, and daydreaming is very frequent. Apart from that, they struggle with staying still in the same place, accurately writing down prescribed assignments, and starting work. Concerning the last point, if the task seems complicated or time-consuming, it can be very overwhelming for them.
All of this combined is very frustrating for the kids because they end up getting stuck on certain questions and feeling like they’re not making much progress. This can have a negative impact on their mood, increasing levels of stress and anxiety. Another issue is their self-esteem: if they do a task, struggle to progress, and compare themselves to others who can finish it more quickly. It is normal for them to feel less efficient and feel like they are not as good as others.
Impact on the family
Apart from the impact on the child, this situation can also be hard for the parents since they have to help them with the homework. You have to stay there with your kid, try to be patient, and explain everything slowly and in a way they will understand. It is also very saddening to see that they could be doing something more enjoyable and having fun in other activities but have to be worried about finishing their tasks.
Then, there are worries about their future and academic success because these assignments weigh on their final grade. Nevertheless, remember that their homework volume does not compromise their future. There are more important skills that predict professional and academic success.
School view
In most schools, homework is still seen as an important part of the curriculum to consolidate concepts learned at school. The problem is that in certain cases, it’s a bit too demanding and very time-consuming for the kids, apart from the fact that a lot of the homework is just “stay-busy work.” Homework just doesn’t seem beneficial for these children most of the time. During the morning, they can manage to pay attention during classes, but as time passes by throughout the day, their focus levels just start drifting. If they are on meds, the effects gradually wear off.
However, not everything is negative. Schools nowadays are more and more prepared to include neurodivergent kids through 504 plans or an individual education program (IEP). One interesting characteristic of these plans, mentioned by Ryan Wexelblatt, owner of the channel ADHD Dude (and also a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, School Social Worker, and Certified ADHD Clinical Services Professional), is that the assignments due can be graded not by quantity but by quality. That would mean that homework and other assignments would be evaluated by the understanding of the materials and not by the percentage of work done. That is very good for ADHD kids because even though they can have a hard time doing a high volume of work, the quality is still there.
Tips for the parents
As a parent, there is a lot you can do to help your kid get his homework done. Here we leave some tips:
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Start working. This one can seem obvious, but they can be reluctant to start doing their homework. Therefore, you need to “force” them to do it, even though it sometimes feels wrong.
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Find a study space with no distractions. You can also let your kid personalize the room to make it comfy for them. This will make it so that they won’t get distracted by external elements.
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Set some goals for the kid. Challenge them with goals that are attainable, not too easy, and not too hard. This will motivate them to work harder.
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Divide the homework into small tasks. It can be very overwhelming for them to look at the amount of work they have to do at first. Segmenting makes it easier to stay concentrated during tasks and start working.
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Add movement. Let them use fidget toys and walk around during breaks to release the physical tension they have. This will make it easier for them to sit still for longer periods of time.
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Reward them. It works very well with setting goals. Give them a treat, and allow them to play PlayStation or another activity they enjoy. They will try harder to finish the work.
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Have breaks. Measure their attention span and let them have breaks based on that information. We, adults, also need breaks to recharge our batteries, and so do kids.
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Understand when they get stuck and move to the next question. Come back to the question later; there is no point in making them more stressed.
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Gamify the homework. This goes hand in hand with the rewards and the challenges, and making the homework feel like a game can stimulate the kids to get the work done. Obviously, it’s harder to do than say because it requires a lot of creativity and depends on the homework.
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Be patient. It’s very tiring for you as it is for the kids, if not more so for them. Remember that they are giving their best. Remember that you are also giving your best, and helping them with homework after a day of work isn’t easy.
Our personal take
We’ve talked about frustration, stress, and anxiety, so it’s no wonder we underline the importance of mindfulness in this context for you and your child.
So, lie down or sit in a comfortable position and take three deep breaths. Start focusing on your breath and your bodily sensations. Try to relax with each breath and say some positive affirmations such as:
- It is normal to get frustrated.
- I’m a patient person.
- My child is doing its best, and so am I.
- I want the best for my kid.
Conclusion
To finish off, homework can pose a significant challenge for children with ADHD, interfering with their well-being and family dynamics. It can also be difficult to manage this situation as a parent, even when implementing some practical tips. At the end of the day, it is crucial to remind yourself that it is normal to feel frustrated, especially after a day of work or when the StarKid is struggling more. Be compassionate towards yourself and the kid.
